{"id":21864,"date":"2023-11-29T16:30:31","date_gmt":"2023-11-29T12:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rukhshana.com\/?p=21864"},"modified":"2023-12-03T23:51:18","modified_gmt":"2023-12-03T19:21:18","slug":"victim-of-shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rukhshana.com\/en\/victim-of-shame\/","title":{"rendered":"Victim of shame"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Behzad Sadiq<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A story of a Kandahari girl who was lost in her own city, rejected by her own family, and later saved by a stranger. Together they tell this story.  <\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a hot summer\u2019s day when Farzana\u2019s family travelled west from Kandahar province in Afghanistan\u2019s south to the neighboring Helmand province to attend the wedding of a relative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Farzana was excited. Travel was not something the 13-year-old did often. And a wedding was a big deal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two days before the ceremony, after they had arrived in Helmand, Farzana went with her mother and three other female relatives to buy dresses in Helmand\u2019s provincial capital Lashkargah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was 2017 and the Taliban had not yet come to power. Farzana\u2019s family lived by the Pashtun cultural norms of their tribe, but the Taliban\u2019s strict ban on women travelling long distances without a male chaperone was not yet enforced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The hustle and bustle of Lashkargah\u2019s market was fascinating to Farzana. But her wonder would quickly turn to worry after she lost sight of her mother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Farzana frantically searched among the stalls and carts and crowds of the market, but to no avail. She could not find her or any of the relatives she travelled with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She imagined her mother looking for her up and down the markets too and then searching wider into the city for any sign of her. But she\u2019ll never know if that happened. She\u2019ll also never know what was the turning point when her family gave up and denied she ever existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After some hours wandering the streets, Farzana\u2019s distraught face caught the eye of an older woman. Amid her tears, Farzana explained her predicament and how she had no idea where her family was staying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 50-year-old woman offered to help her search. But as night closed in and no familiar faces emerged, the woman who Farzana calls  \u201cKhala\u201d or aunt, took her back to her home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next day, the woman took Farzana back to Lashkargah city. But there was still no news of Farzana’s relatives or of anyone looking for a girl. The woman decided to bring Farzana home to Kandahar province in the hope Farzana would find her way or someone would know her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Farzana was equally lost in Kandahar city. She had rarely been out of the family home, much less navigated streets herself. That is typical for a girl her age in Afghanistan\u2019s Pashtun south.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The only thing Farzana had was the name of the area where she lived, \u201cLoy Wala\u201d. But it was not enough. Finally, Khala went to a local radio station to send out a news report that Farzana was missing from her family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That day, Usman, 30, was the local radio station reporter who read out the announcement on the airwaves about the girl who had lost her family. Now all they could do was wait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Khala left Farzana at the radio station to return to Helmand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But no one contacted the station. No one came for Farzana.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was about five in the evening,\u201d Usman recalled. \u201cColleagues in the office said that we should hand the girl over to the security department or the human rights office so that they can find her family. I knew one of the officials of the Women’s Human Rights Department, so I called them. They said to take the girl to the police and they will help her find her family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Usman\u2019s gut told him it wasn\u2019t safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI knew the situation well at the police headquarters, I preferred not to hand over this girl who was completely alone to them,\u201d he said. \u201cI decided to take Farzana to my house until her family is found.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So Farzana returned home with Usman who introduced her to his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI decided the next day I would talk to the department of women’s affairs again. After that, they sent someone to our house to talk to the girl so that maybe they could find an address about her family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It would be two months before the department finally landed on a concrete connection to Farina\u2019s family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen we got out of the car in front of Farzana\u2019s house with the women\u2019s affairs representative, the children who were playing in the street noticed Farzana and called out, \u201cTashtedale biya rale\u201d which means, The fugitive has returned home,\u201d Usman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a warning of what was to come. After Farzana confirmed it was her house, the three of them approached to enter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Farzana\u2019s mother and two sisters-in-law were inside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe told them, We found your missing daughter! But the women denied knowing Farzana. They said that no one from our family is missing and we do not know this girl,\u201d Usman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even intervention from the \u2018Lovale\u2019 district police chief that day did not help – Farzana\u2019s family would not accept her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe commander of the mosque, who was also my friend, brought two officers with me to go to Farzana\u2019s house. But again, everyone denied her existence as a member of the family,\u201d Usman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He was familiar with some of the more strict interpretations of shame around women in Pashtun culture, even for girls as young as Farzana.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI came to the conclusion that if we hand Farzana over to that family by force, they might make trouble for her and she might die,\u201d Usman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAfter that situation, it was clear to us that her family thought Farzana had run away. To remove this disgrace from the family, they had to deny Farzana.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Usman took Farzana in as one of his sisters and she returned with him to live with his family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now 19 years old, Farzana is formally part of Usman\u2019s family after she married one of his relatives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe was married three years ago and has two children,\u201d Usman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He is happy to have supported Farzana, but her family\u2019s rejection of her speaks to a bitter reality in his culture – a pessimistic and controlling patriarchal view of women that often renders female victims \u2018guilty\u2019 if they don\u2019t abide by strict norms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a view of women that is deepening and spreading further with the Taliban\u2019s imposition of extreme restrictions on all Afghan women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was a hot summer\u2019s day when Farzana\u2019s family travelled west from Kandahar province in Afghanistan\u2019s south to the neighboring Helmand province to attend the wedding of a relative.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":21866,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":{"subtitle":"","format":"standard","video":"","gallery":"","source_name":"","source_url":"","via_name":"","via_url":"","override":[{"single_blog_custom":"","sidebar":"","second_sidebar":"","share_position":"","share_float_style":"","post_date_format":"","post_date_format_custom":"","post_reading_time_wpm":"","zoom_button_out_step":"1","zoom_button_in_step":"1","number_popup_post":"1"}],"image_override":[{"single_post_thumbnail_size":"","single_post_gallery_size":""}],"trending_post_position":"","trending_post_label":"","sponsored_post_label":"","sponsored_post_name":"","sponsored_post_url":"","sponsored_post_logo":"","sponsored_post_desc":""},"jnews_primary_category":{"id":""},"jnews_override_counter":{"view_counter_number":"0","share_counter_number":"0","like_counter_number":"0","dislike_counter_number":"0"},"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[911,966,902,896],"tags":[3850],"class_list":["post-21864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-analysis-en","category-featured-en","category-reports-en","category-uncategorized-en","tag-helmand-province"],"yoast_head":"\nVictim of shame - Rukhshana Media<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Farzana was excited. 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