By Arif Ahmad
Critics of the tradition of exchanging goods to secure a wife in the eastern Afghanistan province of Nuristan say the arrangement is detrimental to both women and men.
In most Nuristan districts, girls are given by their families to a man in exchange for animals such as goats, sheep, cows, and goods such as cash, or guns.
In some districts, the “bride price” or dowry for a woman makes it extremely hard for some families to secure a bride for their son.
The man’s family may be expected to pay the bride’s family as much as 200.000 afghanis (US$2900) cash, around 100 goats or sheep, two cows, 560 kgs of grain, with some weapons thrown in.
Men of Mandol burdened by dowry
Mandol is a district in west Nuristan bordering Laghman province. Residents here say that many young men and women have not been able marry due to the high cost of this tradition. The problem affects mostly poorer families.
In some cases, young men are migrating to neighboring countries to earn more income and save for their marriage.
Mandol resident Zabihullah, 22, told Rukhshana Media that it’s been five years since he was engaged, but he has not managed to make enough for the dowry.
“Two hundred thousand(200.000) afghanis, 120 sheep, 2 cows, 280 kgs of grain, and 2 weapons are my fiancé’s price, which I cannot provide,” he said.
Zabihullah leaves home early in the morning before sunrise for work and returns home late in the evening in his effort to earn more money.
For Arif, 26, his wedding went ahead six years ago, but he still hasn’t paid off the dowry debt.
“I have already given 35,250 afghanis (US$500) cash, 150 sheep, two cows, two guns, 16 kilos of animal oil, and 320 kilos of corn for the bride price,” he said.
When he and his wife were engaged, Arif was a student. He said his family forced him to marry, but he incurred the debt.
Young families start out with debt
Farida* feels that she is a victim of this tradition.
Two years have passed since she married a farmer in Mandol. Her husband still owes her father goats, cows, guns, and cash.
“I got engaged at the age of 23. We waited four years while my husband worked to pay my dowry to my father. But he couldn’t prepare the entire amount during this time,” she said.
Finally, Farida’s father agreed to the dowry as a debt.
“After four years, my father loaned us the herd and the bride price. I was happy to get married after a long wait, but after two years of our marriage, we still can’t pay off my father’s loan.”
Elders support continuing dowry traditions
A local elder has defended the tradition as a sacrifice the residents are willing to make.
“In our region, it’s customary for a boy’s family to give a girl’s family at least 150,000 afghanis (around US$2200), 150 sheep, two cows, 490 kg of grains, two guns and five to 35-42 kgs of animal oil,” Mandol tribal elder Mohammad Yousuf said.
The 69-year-old described it as an ancient and strict tradition.
“People are happy with it and it’s a tradition that must be done,” he said.
Burden of debt is a kind of ‘violence’
In neighboring Nurgam district, Sitara* is still waiting to get married give years after her engagement as her fiancé works to pay the dowry to her family.
She regards the custom as a kind of oppression against young men and women.
“My fiance’s family is poor. Their occupation is agriculture and animal husbandry,” she said. “They barely earn enough to pay their daily expenses. This tradition itself is violence.”
The price for Sitara is 25 cows, 100 goats, 100,000 Afghanis (US$1500) in cash, and a Kalashnikov gun.
Social norms changing in the city
Tribal elder Mohammad Isa Wahdat in nearby Wamai district said the regions are still sticking with the tradition while in Nuristan’s capital Parun the dowry price is becoming more manageable.
“For years, girls have been given to husbands in exchange for animals and cash in Nuristan districts. In Wamai, Waigal, Nurgram, Doaab and Mandol, girls are getting married in exchange for 60 to 300 goats and sheep. But in Parun, there is a better custom now than the other districts, where four cows are the amount for a marriage,” he said.
Religious scholars condemn practice of buying brides
Some religious scholars agree that the tradition is undesirable, but say that nothing will change unless it is outlawed.
“We have always talked about the high price of the dowry and marriage portions and the consequences of these, but people have not acted against it,” said Jumauddin, a religious scholar in Mandol.
“The government should prevent this bad practice, because in Islam, marrying off a woman for money is forbidden.”
Taliban efforts to curb exorbitant prices
A spokesperson for the Taliban governor in Nuristan Saifuddin Latoon said its known that exorbitant wedding expenses are causing problems for young people. He said it’s even been attributed as being the cause of family violence.
The Taliban have attempted to ban large wedding gestures and expensive wedding prices in many areas of Afghanistan.
Last year, they set price caps on dowries and for weddings in Ghor province.
The maximum dowry in Ghor’s Lal-o-Sarjangal district was set at 250,000 afghanis (US$360) and the cap on weddings was set at 80,000 afghanis (US$1200). Similar price caps have been introduced in other parts of Afghanistan.
“We have only informed these caps to the mosques and religious scholars,” Mr Latoon said. “But we don’t have any official procedure for the costs of a bride yet.”
*Note: Some of the names have been changed at the request of interviewees.
