By Mehreen Rashidi
Sara* has recently returned from Afghanistan’s south with her son and daughter. They are living on the outskirts of Kabul – for now. All their worldly belongings consist of some worn-out rugs, three mattresses and pillows, and a few dishes and teacups from their landlord.
Sara’s husband Ahmad* is alive, but does not live with them. He was in the military before the Taliban seized power, and since the fall of the republic, he has been in hiding. Almost three years on, and he still is terrified of being caught.
Before the fall, they lived as a family in the northern city Mazar-e-Sharif.
On the evening of August 14, 2021, when Mazar-e-Sharif was taken by the Taliban with other armed groups forces, scores of Afghan security forces gathered at Hairatan port to cross the Friendship Bridge between Afghanistan and Uzbekistan to flee the country – and the Taliban.
But Ahmad returned home.
That night, he didn’t dare leave his family or try to leave the city with them. According to Sara, he sat on the roof of the house until morning, waiting for his mobile phone to ring.
Dread had gripped them like a vice. All of them, Sara said. Herself, her husband, and their children were overcome by it.
“We couldn’t bear to look at each other,” she said.
The only thing she could do that night was burn all of Ahmad’s documents and uniforms that connected him to the Afghan military.
A decision to leave with nowhere to go
As the sun rose the next morning, the city was eerily quiet. There was no gunfire, and there was also no bustling in the streets. Sara said a heavy silence prevailed everywhere, especially inside their house.
Later that morning, Sara and Ahmad decided to leave for Kabul in the hopes it would be safer for them. But then they had word that Kabul had also fallen.
“We had prepared only our essential belongings. Ahmad was wearing old clothes so that no one would recognize him on the way. Then Ahmad’s brother called from Kabul saying that Kabul had fallen and advised us not to come for now,” she said.
“It felt like someone poured cold water over my soul. I felt weak and helpless. Although Ahmad tried to reassure us that nothing would happen, his tone betrayed his anxiety.
“The whole neighborhood knew he was a soldier. He had never done anything in his life except carrying a rifle.”
Sara said they remained in Mazar-e-Sharif for another week. But it was a week that felt to her like time had frozen, like everything was suspended at a standstill.
Finally they felt they couldn’t stay in the place where they were so well known and they decided to go to Kabul to stay with relatives.
Sara said that decision was the beginning of a cycle of homelessness and displacement that hasn’t ended in three years.
Fears of Taliban retribution prove true
When the Taliban entered Kabul in 2021, it declared a general amnesty based on the order of the Supreme Leader.
The Taliban spokesperson Zabiullah Mujahid said at a press conference in Kabul on August 17, 2021, that according to this order, no one should be harassed or persecuted due to their past opposition to the group or its beliefs.
But many did not trust it. And in practice, the amnesty did not happen.
There have been numerous proven accounts and reports of killings, arrests, and torture of former military personnel and their relatives by Taliban members.
The United Nations Assistance Mission in Afghanistan (UNAMA) released a report in August 2023 revealing it had documented hundreds of cases of Taliban reprisals against former government security forces in Afghanistan, a matter that the Taliban denies.
The change to a Kabul neighbourhood did not ease Ahmad’s anxiety.
“During that month [in Kabul], Ahmad never went out,” Sara said.
“He had turned off his mobile phone.
“My son sometimes said he would go and find a job for him. But Ahmad was so fearful and stressed, and he was suspicious of everyone.”
Finally, they decided to leave Kabul as well.
“The fear of Ahmad being caught, the lack of money, and our homelessness made it impossible for us to stay in Kabul any longer.”
They headed as a family to one of the southern provinces of the country, introducing themselves in their new neighbourhood as migrants returning from Pakistan. Ahmad introduced himself as a painter.
Sara said the measures they took – living in a distant province, cutting off contact with relatives and friends, and obtaining new identities – allowed them to stay for a long time
“There, my son went out to get a job. During that whole time, he managed to earn a living and support the family,” she said.
“But Ahmad [still] couldn’t get a job. All his effort was spent making sure no one realized that he was unable to do the hard work due to a wound from a bullet hitting his body.”
Sara said her husband wanted to conceal it as he was wounded in a battle with the Taliban.
Returning home
But after living in the country’s south for a year and a half, an intense homesickness as well as a lack of household necessities saw them attempt a return to their old home in Mazar-e-Sharif.
“That year and a half was very difficult. Especially for my daughter, who always got sick due to intense homesickness and she wandered around during the days,” Sara said.
“My son and I also missed home a lot. Ahmad was always at home and got frustrated from sitting idle. We finally said, ‘Enough time has passed, let’s go home, maybe there’s be no problems.’”
Ahmad was concerned about this decision, Sara recalled, but he accepted it for the sake of his family. So they returned to Mazar-e-Sharif together.
But the day they were back, the intense fear that had gripped them in that night Mazar fell seemed to wash over them again. Sara said the atmosphere in the house felt as heavy and oppressive as ever.
Ahmad decided it was not right for him to stay. So the next day, he swiftly sold all the household items for a small amount to a buyer and the family set off back to the southern province with the money.
After a short time back in southern province, Sara and Ahmad decided that perhaps the children would be better off making a life in Kabul. So Sara and her daughter and son relocated to Kabul, leaving Ahmad behind.
“We couldn’t stay there any longer. Ahmad sent us to Kabul and stayed behind,” she said.
“His disability prevents him from working, He told me that if he couldn’t do anything for us in these times, at least he doesn’t want any harm to come to us because of him. ‘You go to Kabul, I’ll manage on my own here,’ he said.”
Working in exchange for shelter
That’s how Sara and her two children ended up on outskirts of Kabul with almost nothing to their name.
The landlord has provided them with one room in his house and instead of paying rent for it, they look after the landlord’s elderly parents full-time. But it also means Sara is not paid for her work.
“I found this family, and the landlord told me that instead of paying rent, I should cook for his elderly parents, wash their clothes, and serve their guests,” she said.
“I had no choice but to accept it. Now, without receiving any wages, I do all the household chores for them.”
Sara said that in the first days of the Solar New Year (March 2024), her husband came for a brief visit for three days.
After her husband arrived, the landlord approached Sara saying that when she had rented the room, he thought she was a single mother without a male guardian. But because it turned out she had a husband, she should pay more.
“The landlord told me that because my husband has returned, I should pay for the water and electricity. He said, ‘I don’t charge rent because you work, but you have to pay for the water and electricity yourselves’,” she said.”
Sara said when she shared this with her husband, he became distressed.
“When I told Ahmad, his face turned red. He was speechless. He grabbed his clothes and said he was leaving the house,” she said.
Ahmad left that day.
“After he left, neither I nor my daughter and son could eat properly or find peace for a week. It’s a pain that weighs heavily on my heart. I’ve never seen Ahmad so dejected and broken before,” Sara said.
Ahmad remains in the southern province and has not returned to visit the family in Kabul since the solar new year.
Note*: Names are changed due to security reasons.
