By Azada
Asma is pregnant against her will. But now that she’s expecting, she’s protective of the life growing inside her. Especially since finding out the baby is a girl.
“After the ultrasound, the midwife told me, ‘Your baby is a girl’. The world grew dark before my eyes in that moment because being a girl in Afghanistan is not worth it,” Asma says.
“Girls always have problems, both at home and in the community. They don’t achieve any of their dreams. That’s why I wanted my child to be a boy.”
The 18-year-old is sharing her story with a great deal of fear. Abused by her husband and his family, and unsupported by her parents, Asma feels entirely alone and desperate for some hope for her future.
“I am a child myself, but I have to raise another child and become a mother,” she says with her head in her hands as tears stream down her face.
Her life had already been marked by severe tragedy – which she is still coming to terms with – when her parents forced her to marry.
Barely surviving a bomb blast
Asma was injured in the deadly explosion of Sayed ul-Shohada School in the west Kabul neighbourhood of Dasht Barchi. It was 4.27pm on May 8, 2021 as all the students were leaving for the day when three successive bombs were detonated outside the school.
The attack killed 85 people, mostly girls, and wounded another 147 more, according to the official count at the time. The families of victims say there were as many as 250 people injured in the explosions. Most of the victims were the female students at the school.
Asma was injured in the second explosion that day.
“I was an eighth-grade student. The lesson was over, and we were restless for the last bell. I heard a terrible sound. My ears whistled. I hid under the table, When I came out after a few minutes, there were dead, injured bodies and blood everywhere. Then the second explosion happened,” she says.
“When I opened my eyes, I was already in Mohammad Ali Jinnah Hospital.”
Asma lost many friends in this explosion and, in the months that followed, suffered a severe nervous breakdown. She stayed at home for three months while she was recovering before disaster struck again – the Taliban took control of Afghanistan and closed girls schools for good.
“Although I had a severe pain in my head, to get well, I would count down the minutes until I could go to school again; But the first thing the Taliban did was forbade the girls from going to school,” she says.
The Taliban soon began systematically dismantling women’s rights across the board. As the de facto authority in Afghanistan, they banned girls and women from higher education, universities, work in many professions, work in NGOs, travelling without a male chaperone, even many recreational activities.
That’s when Asma’s father made a difficult decision about her future.
No other future for girls but marriage
“It’s good for a girl to get married in this Talabani situation,” she says her father told her.
Then 15 months ago, it was made official – her parents had found her a potential suitor.
“One night my parents told me, ‘We talked to someone about you, you are going to be engaged soon.’ When I heard this sentence, I felt dizzy, as if cold water was thrown on my body,” she says.
While there are no specific statistics, there have been increasing reports of forced and underage marriages since the Taliban took power in August 2021.
Asma pleaded with her parents not to go ahead with a marriage for her, presenting her dreams of returning to school.
“When I told my parents about my studies and dreams, they laughed and said, ‘Since the Taliban has come, girls will not be allowed to study. It’s better to get on with your life and get married,” she says.
Asma felt she had no choice but accept their decision. But quietly she hoped her future husband would allow her to continue her education.
Bound by marriage into abuse
Her father paid her husband’s family 100,000 afghanis ($1350) for her dowry, and after a mass marriage ceremony in Kabul, Asma’s husband took from Kabul to his hometown, as per an Afghan cultural tradition for the woman to move to the man’s family home.
Her hopes of following her dreams were met with abuse.
“Every time I spoke about my dreams, I faced the anger and obstruction of my husband and his family. They told me, ‘We brought you and paid for you, we didn’t get you free. So, you should be at home and work. You should become a mother and give birth to a child,” she says.
Asma quickly fell pregnant. And with each passing day, she grew more unwell.
“I was always sick. Even though I was not used to the work in the village, I had to work, but it was always ridiculed by my mother-in-law. One day she asked me to bake bread in the oven, even though I didn’t know how. She would always say that they had paid for me. Every time she tortured me with different excuses and said that I should not tell my husband about these things,” she says.
Asma prayed hard for her baby to be a boy, desperate to not see her child suffer like her. But her recent ultrasound delivered the sombre news otherwise.
Her mental health has taken a terrible turn. Whether it’s her old injury or the fresh trauma of her home situation, no one can say. Some of the symptoms include severe headaches, self-isolation, and amnesia. She says neither her father nor her husband can afford for her to get treatment.
“Whatever I want to say, I can’t. I forget words while I’m talking. I don’t remember things I just did. Sometimes I feel so much pain in my head that I take painkillers. I spend most of my time sleeping,” she says.
She levels blame on the Taliban for taking her life and dreams hostage, but now she says she is more worried about her daughter’s fate than her own and what awaits her daughter if the Taliban remain in power.
*Some details of Asma’s life including her name and the name of her province and village have been removed from publication at her request out of fear of her husband’s family.
